The Great Unease
I recently went on a four day trip to the mountains with my family. During the trip, I thought a lot about what I have come to label “The Great Unease.” “The Great Unease” encompasses feelings of needing to be somewhere different than where one actually is, unworthiness and anxiety over one’s non-productivity.
Sounds like a relaxing mountain trip, right?
During my time at the mountain cabin, I came across a phenomenal article in The Atlantic called How Civilization Broke our Brains by Derek Thompson. In the article, Thompson cites the work of anthropologist and author James Suzman who dedicated about thirty years studying the Ju/’hoansi “Bushmen.” This hunter-gatherer tribe lived in Botswana and Namibia until the late 20th century. According to Suzman’s work, the Ju/’hoansi lived in a way that allowed for plenty of leisure time. Members of the tribe were content to work sparingly on finding food and completing chores. One way the tribe was able to maintain plenty of leisure time was by creating customs to decrease status-seeking and competition.
For example, when a hunter would return to the tribe with a successful kill, rather than praise the hunter for their achievement they would consciously make an effort to eliminate the praise. They would speak of the kill as “worthless” to “cool his heart and make him gentle.” They feared that it was a danger to the tribe for the hunter to feel superior to the other tribe members. This sounds VERY different than our society today in which we judge a successful post, job, etc. by the amount of praise or number of likes.
In today’s world, it seems we have done all that we can to increase status-seeking and competition. Employees may be encouraged to “get the job done” even if it means missing several dinners a week with one’s family. Social media platforms have created the delusion that anyone’s video can go viral so why not try?! If you are picking up a new hobby, you now have access to see how everyone else is doing at that hobby, therefore creating feelings of inadequacy at your own progress.
“The Great Unease” contributed to years of suicidal ideation and emptiness for me. And I’m not alone. I love finding new research shared on the Center for Humane Technology’s site, because it validates my negative reactions to social media and over exposure. For example, one study cited a QUADRUPLING between 2016-2019 in the amount of cosmetic surgeries done for people wanting to look “good” on social media. The fact that the amount of people seeking to change their appearance jumped from 13% in 2016 to 55% in 2019 is a sign of some serious unease.
A few years ago I realized I wouldn’t make it living in my world of unease. Yes, we modernized homo-sapiens are up against a lot and we are an incredibly resilient species. It is possible to live your life full of ease and genuine care for yourself and others.
One of my favorite meditation teachers, Jeff Warren, shared the following insight: “That’s one of the ways we find fulfillment. By wanting what we actually have.” Can you imagine the peace we would feel if we dropped the constant comparisons and allowed ourselves to want what we actually have?
Here a few ways I have found to help me remember this vital message when “The Great Unease” starts creeping in.
Slow Down Your Actions
When you notice your mood has started drifting downward, begin to consciously slow down your movements. Whatever task you’re doing, really pay attention to it, as if you are moving in slow motion. For example, walking to the kitchen to get a glass of water can be a moment to come back to your senses if you make each movement slowly and deliberately. This will take you out of your comparison mind and into reality.
Start and End Each Day with 3 Items of Gratitude
Happiness researcher and Yale professor, Dr. Laurie Santos of the popular podcast The Happiness Lab constantly reminds us of the positive effects of gratitude on our daily moods. I personally begin and end each day by jotting down a quick 3 things that I feel grateful for in that moment. Before my feet hit the floor in the morning, I grab my journal to jot them down. When I get in bed at night, I do the same. A quick but effective way to relish in what you actually have rather than yearning for what you perceive you don’t.
Limit or Change Your Social Media Use
Yes, I know that this advice is virtually everywhere in the mental health world! But there’s a reason for that! If a certain account negatively triggers you, IT IS KEY to unfollow or mute it! Try tracking your moods before and after you use social media. If you’re anything like me, you may see a direct correlation in a down mood after you’ve scrolled. Maybe that means taking a little break to regroup (I stayed off of it for about 6 months before logging back on with a few less accounts to follow). Guess what, I didn’t miss much!
There is Hope
It may seem like everything is working against you to find a sense of ease within your daily life. And it’s true that these comparison traps are more in our faces than ever before. But, I am also more convinced than ever that with some diligence and a little practice we can begin to live life more intuitively and disentangle ourselves from “The Great Unease.”